Dirty, Rotten Thievery! -Part 6–

“There, we’re here,” Order says with a finalized tone, ushering the minions through the coalesced portal, one that took her ten times as much time and effort as it would Chaos.

Her and the rescued minions step back into the Center Tower’s main plaza, replete with the mania of a raid.

“Bro, there’s some over here!” A subspacer, going by the perfectly reasonable name of Ultimate Slay Killer XXX notes, lifting a large table umbrella to reveal Teacher Minion and her class’ worth of preschool-age minions.

“G-get behind me, children!” she says, tucking them defensively behind her as the two subspacers eye them over.

“Nice, that’s like a dozen!” Undeathable God Murderfuck Supernova notes with a flare of his nostrils, pierced with cool looking knives that are also on fire for some reason.

The larger “Undeathable” Subspace-dweller hoists his already-caught five minions onto his shoulder as he readies another length of enchanted chains.

“I ‘magine they’ll sell for at least twenty kay a pop. It’s gonna be so brutal.” the slim, “Ultimate” one notes with a glare of pure, excited avarice.

Just before the so-called Undeathable God Murderfuck can put his hands on them, the fur-lined cloak and cobalt blade of a defender appears from the side.

“I will defend this house!” Raid Minion shouts, his usually keen gaze wild with violence.

Ultimate Slay Killer XXX responds immediately by drawing his sick guitar axe, but Raid Minion leans into the contact, thrusting with his massive sword like a fencer’s pierce.

The ultimate subspacer leaps back from the strike, blood pouring from a wound in his armored chest.

“Ahh, a little bitch wants to play, eh?” he hisses, pushing a hand into his chest to try and staunch the flow.

Undeathable God Murderfuck, a man about seven times larger than his partner, rears up the enormous meat-tenderizer used more properly for softening up loins of dragon flank, but of course he’s decked it out with all sorts of skeletons and stuff to make it even more intimidating.

“Looks like this one needs a good smashing,” he bellows, rearing his sledge back with a wide, murderous grin.

The three enter a rightfully-impressive bout of swings and strikes that would put an action movie to shame. From the group of captured minions, Combat Minion rushes up from behind Order to match it as a two versus two. Both Raid Minion and Combat Minion live for the rush of blood their inner bodies feel during the fight, but the subspacers are no slouches either – after all, to simply survive out in the interior spaces of the Omniverse, one must be able to at least beat the ever-living mercy out of a seven-headed wolf man with chainsaws for arms, and it wouldn’t be a stretch to say the two of them have met their fair share.

Order, on the other hand, feels like she has a comprehensive control of the situation. She just walks up.

“Gentlemen,” Order, her nice sun dress waving from the slight breeze, chimes in just loud enough to be heard over the fighting.

“Fuck you want, broad?” Ultimate Slay Killer XXX snaps as he attempts to fix Raid Minion in a headlock.

“It would do me a service if you were to not be here anymore,” she says with raised brows. She says this with a tone bearing the absolute lowest level of interest possible, as if even if they were incredibly polite, she might just change her mind and obliterate them anyway.

“Oh yeah?” he responds snidely, not even making the identifying connection of the rather short, white-haired lady with an exceptionally-weird sword sheath slung around her waist.

“Uh, yes. I think it’s time you guys left. That’s the last time I’ll ask.”

Undeathable God Murderfuck, who is far more of a gentleman and scholar than his peer, takes a full swing at Combat Minion before addressing her hips with his gaze, and it’s not her weapon that he’s paying attention to. “Ah, yeah,” he starts mockingly. “Well if we leave with you I think we can make that work o-“

Order pulls Monument from its sheath just an inch.

A flood of sunlight pours out from the opening, Starlendic runes bending and glowing with a righteous dedication to destroying evil as raw solar heat curls out from the hilt.

She winces at the brightness, but the gentlemen from subspace leap back immediately.

“Ma’am! Sorry ma’am!” the thin one shouts in a skewed shriek, throwing up his sword and turning to the space gate to run off.

Undeathable God Murderfuck just faints, his hammer sliding from his grip with a mighty thud the moment before he himself crashes down onto the brick.

Raid Minion lifts his blade back to continue striking, but Combat Minion holds them back.

“Don’t piss off our guest,” he says with a pull. “We already have enough to deal with as it is.”

Raid Minion slaps his blade back into his sheath with a snick. He immediately opens his cloak and retrieves his smoking pipe.

“She agrees with me, I reckon,” he notes sourly as he casts a quick magic flame to his fingers to light his tobacco. “These opportunist fools deserve no better treatment.”

“I do,” Order says pushing Monument back into its dimensional sheath, “but like your friend said, there’s enough to worry about for now. Excuse me.”

“What?” Combat Minion asks.

With a reel forward, Order delivers a rock-shattering kick to the downed subspacer, sending him flying into one of the far walls of the central tower, just under the massive artificial sky of the place.

The minions watch on with awe as Order releases a pent up sigh of relief.

“Thank you,” she says with an air of volcanic calm, like a vein of pure fury hidden under the surface.

Pet Sitting Minion scoffs with a homicidal twinge. “We could solve their problems forever if we just cut their necks open and shoved hot coals in. I thi-“

“Thank you, maniac. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” Sock Minion, sitting chipperly on Hot Dog Minion’s shoulder, suggests with a smarmy refrain. “We need to get the rest of these fools out o-“

“I don’t think that’ll be a problem,” Combat Minion notes dryly.

They can hear shouting from other groups of raiders around the plaza, as well as some at the rim in buildings.

“The Knights are here!”


“No, you idiot! We gotta get outta here!”

“Oh, uh, shit!” abound from various voices around Towerne’s most prestigious and important tower.

There’s a collective mad-dash by everyone and everything from lesser demons to space aliens as they all rush out of sight through the nearby space gate.

In only a few seconds. No one’s left but a few bodies, a huge amount of captured, though generally unharmed minions, and a suited man with a sharp haircut.

“Yo, scram!” Sock Minion shouts over with an indignant wave of the arms.

It’s Order and a crowd nearly three hundred minions rounding around the gentleman, who has a small envelope fixed delicately between his well-groomed fingers.

The moment before Public Freakout Minion leaps on him and Police Minion subsequently leaps on him, the man steps up to Order and presents the letter.

“Ah, you must be the present representative,” the blond, well-cut man notes coolly as he greets her with a slight, courteous nod.

Order doesn’t need to ask to know where he’s from. The small gold pin on his chest signifies that he’s part of The Overlord Court within the creatively-named Overlord Space, where Infinity rules, and Greed pulls more than his fair share of the strings.

“And who would this be a representation of?” Order asks amidst the crowd of booing, jeering minions.

The man’s dark, daring eyes address her with a professionally-measured sensuality- the type of person that climbs the cooperate ladder too quickly for his own good, let alone anyone else’s. “Chaos, of course. I assume you to be that… erm, nemesis of his?”

She sighs. This was already the weirdest day she’s had all year, and now it’s taken another turn for the strange. “That doesn’t make sense, why would you think I would want to represent him?”

He raises a brow without an ounce of pretension – he looks genuinely concerned. “I mean, it was you that nearly caused the death of my employer.”

“Well at least you admit you’re on his payroll. Tell me, are you here to fling one of your court summons at him, mister…”

The lawyer smiles, presenting his hand. “It’s Kuula,” he introduces. “You are in fact the Lord Knight Captain of Old Reinen, is that right?”

Order nods sharply. “You get the jist, Mister Kuula, and from one human to another I wa-“

“Would look good on a headstone,” Pet Sitting Minion interrupts dryly.

“Yeah sounds like… sounds like a girl name!” Public Freakout Minion shouts loosely.

“Burn… burn him!” Hail Minion, in his cute little angel get up, squeals as he brings forward a lighter and bottle of propane.

“Sounds like someone who doesn’t have any socks,” Sock Minion adds, his hands placed on his hips to impact maximum sass.

The two ignore them all and continue their conversation. “I’m not interested in doing flips in your jester court, Mister Kuula,” Order restarts, “why do you think I’d care what happens to him?”

Kuula gives a light, political smile. “It’s quite simple. My employer believes that you have vested interest in his well-being, and he would like to make certain that is publicly known.”

Order takes a silent, deep breath. So that is that lizard’s plan.

“Alright. You understand that by your own law I could divest defense to another lawyer, do you not?”

Kuula nods down with the same, frosty smirk. “I believe the letter will explain everything.”

Order gives the tall man a side-eye she usually only reserves for board members or nobility, and she snaps open the envelope to read.

The minions, most of them with eyes more than powerful enough to zoom in and through the letter, read and react along with her. The reactions are muted and patient at first, but steadily they grow indignant with shock.

Order looks up, her eyes a grayish mix between disappointment and disgust. “Infinity changed the law for this one case?”

The dashing representative gives a firm nod. “I’m afraid so. You see they would be very interested in having you take the case, which is why the judge will only allow a hearing should a party from the defendant’s own realm take it up… unless you can think of someone else that would want to defend him.”

Her eyes fluctuate in color between yellow and green in actual surprise, with mixed reactions from the onlooking minionry. This is actually quite crafty, as the public opinion of Chaos within Aerna is absolutely terrible, to add on top of the fact that Order would likely be the only remaining knight capable of actually understanding his actions.

“Bro, I don’t think I’ve ever seen ghost-face get slapped like that before,” a random minion in the crowd says.

“This is nonsense,” Raid Minion, tapping his pipe against one of the angular teeth of his black jaws, says with a superior air. “Why can’t we defend the honor of our own master?”

Kuula glances down with a frank smile. “If you can find a capable representative that you think could turn a jury of other overlords, then go at it.”

Raid Minion turns to the crowd. “Ahh, Law Minion!” he calls.

There’s a silence, until Baker Minion takes off her puffy white hat to speak in someone’s memory.

“He uh, got captured.”

Raid Minion sighs deeply before calling another name to his mind. “Classical Rhetoric Minion?”

“Snapped up by some ghost dude,” another minion says.

At that, Raid Minion groans before prattling off names.

“Logic and Reason Minion?”

“I saw him get beamed up by some big ship!” yet another says.

“Showmanship Minion?”

“Grabbed by weird-ass dimensional tentacles!”

“T…Toastmaster Minion?”

“Also gone, think he got grabbed by goblins or something.”

Raid Minion pushes a hand into his face in dejection. “I… People Skills Minion?”

“Nabbed by some robots!” yet another minion in the crowd reports.

“…Yells Really Loudly Min-

“Void Bandits,” a final minion reports.

Raid Minion punctuates the conversation by refilling his pipe, recasting the match spell on his finger, and then taking a long, calming pull of smoke. Finally, he turns back to Order.

“I reckon that’s everyone on our end that could hold up in a court of liars like that. Do you really think you’re up to the task?”

Order can feel her entire stomach attempting to force up into her throat. She realizes that she’s actually about to agree to this and ruin her reputation in front of everyone in the Omniverse. She knows it’s going to be broadcasted – what network wouldn’t want to see the case of the century?

She takes a long breath, and then reaches for her chat stone. She zips it with a spark of mana, alighting it and notifying the person holding the other shard that she wants.

The other owner picks up rather quickly.

“Hey,” she starts immediately.

As if out of a middling respect for her, the minions actually quiet down from their usual rambunctious mania to listen in.

“Hey Chief. How goes the strike?” a winsome, light-toned voice comes out. Most of the minions immediately tag it as Knight Justice, one of the deadliest knights in the brotherhood by far, as well as one of the densest people any of them have met.

“…Aen, I need you to stop what you’re doing and listen to me,” she says, addressing Knight Justice by his actual name.

“…You… you’re alright, Ran, aren’t you? Just say the word and I’ll be there,” Justice says with a reassuring tone.

“Oop, somebody likes you,” Unwanted Commentary Minion snips, winning a few chuckles from around her.

Order takes a breath. “I… I don’t know how to say this, but you’re going to see a lot of news about what happened very soon… I need you to watch over The Knights for me.”

There’s a disbelieving silence.

“…I don’t follow, where are you going?” Justice asks.

“On television, Aen,” Order answers plainly. “I’m going to defend Chaos in overlord court.”

There’s a long silence, causing even Kuula to glance about at the unusually-engaged minions and gauge their reactions.

“Ch-… Ranalie, I am talking to you, right?”

She smiles, but her eyes are filled with dread. “Yes, Aen. It’s me. I’m doing this.”

“Are you c… why would you do that? It’s already rocky between Old Reinen and The Kingdoms. Do you think they’re just going to watch you after their kids saw you defending the public enemy number one during breakfast, or something? Chaos caused Traehern, if somehow you’ve forgotten. It all would have been okay if it weren’t for him, and now you’re telling me you’re going to step up to the plate and defend him in some backslidden den of vipers? What’s… what has gotten into you?!

Faces of ironic shock and awe pass about the minions, most of them relishing to see Order’s usually cool demeanor cracked by the conversation.

The snow-haired swordmasteress takes another calming breath and then continues. “If they sentence him, they sentence his minions too. Greed’s behind all of this to… well, to fuck up everything, really. It’s revenge – that I’m sure of, but on him and I both. The Eternum got Chaos, so there’s no telling when he’ll be back, but if they pass a sentence on the minions on his behalf and they execute any of the ones they have…”

“Rayda preserve,” Aen scoffs. “Yeah… yeah okay, I think I’m starting to understand… but can’t someone else do it?”

Order sighs. “The only way to get a hearing with their new law is if its someone who’s from his dimension, and in this case I doubt they’d take anyone outside of The Western Kingdoms even.”

“W-…” Justice sighs. “Are you sure there’s no one else?”

“Who would want to?” she asks with a scoff. “Who could go home and be welcomed after doing it?”

There’s a pause. “Ranalie.”


“…You’re as amazing as Rayda was, you know.”

A majority of the minions respond with an egging “Oooooooh!” from this one.

Order smirks. “I’m doing what you or any knight would do in my situation.”

“…You know that’s not true.”

“I know you would, though,” she says.

“I… He’s hurt us for millennia, Order. Despite what you and I know, the public only know him as the enemy.”

“And I’m about to stand up for him.”

“You’ll have to,” Justice agrees. “If they kill those minions, Chaos is going to go after the entire system and every link in every chain that caused it… I guess he can’t be blamed on that. I’ve come to understand him better over the years. Honestly, I’d do the same thing if someone threatened The Knights.”

Her eyes are sad, but she smiles brightly. “I’d do the same thing, even if it was just you, Aen.”

Again, there’s a long, winning “oooooh!” from the minions around them.

KISS!” a random minion shouts from the back of the crowd, winning a few laughs.

Aen just scoffs through the stone, as if embarrassed. “Well… gosh, Chief. Thank you. It’s completely mutual… you’re going to be okay, right?”

“I’ll find something to do, Aen…”

“You don’t think you’ll be lonely?”

“…You’re the only person I still remember from before… everyone’s either dead or… well, a minion here, I guess,” Order says, taking a subconscious glance to the side, half expecting an ether-infested Knight Glory or someone to be watching her among all the other minionry.

Justice sighs good-humoredly. “Okay, Chief… you know where to find me.”

“I do. You’ll do a good job, and you’ll have my line if you ever need advice,” she says with a gentle, warm tone.

“…I’m going to miss you,” Aen says back.

This one really gets the hooting and hollering going from the black and white crowd surrounding.

“Justice and Order, sitting in a tree – K – I – S – S – I – N –

“Put a ring on it!”

“I guess trash really does have trash taste after all,” are only a few of the various jeers and cheers audible in the air.

“Wh-what are they saying?” Justice asks.

Order smiles. “They’re doing what they always do,” she says with a knowing tone.

“E-” Justice heaves in a breath to yell over the stone. “Hey! You will not mistreat the chief of The Knights when she’s helping you guys. She’s doing this for-“

“Shut up, bitch!

“Wrap it, buckaroo.”

“Would make sense you’re into flatties with a personality like yours,” come another host of insults at Knight Justice.

Order just raises the stone closer so she can get a word in edgewise.

“Rayda preserve your kind soul, Aen. You’re a good man, and you’ll lead them well. I won’t be gone… I have to keep an eye on him, after all, and as long as he’s interested in Aerna, I’ll be there too.”

Justice gives a relieved hum as he ignores even more colorful insults thrown from the crowd. “Alright, Ranalie. Permission to speak frankly, one last time?”

A genuine smile cracks across her smooth face. “Sure.”

“I’m glad you were my commander; I wouldn’t have picked anyone else.”

A sigh of pure catharsis passes through her. “You’re… amazing, Aen… I don’t know when I’ll see you again, but I know you’ll do great.”

“Thanks… lunch is over, I best go and get the paperwork ready… you know that, even if we’re agreeing to this now, I’m going to do all I can to clear your name, right?”

She nods as if he’s there. “I’d expect nothing less. See you.”

“Glory,” he says with a hope-filled, rock-steady tone.

“Glory,” she says back.

Order cuts the stone’s mana link, and finally turns back to Raid Minion and the representative.

“I’m ready.”

Kuula and Raid Minion both grin, both from confidence, but they differ one critical point – one believes she’ll win it, and the other believes she’ll lose.

“Very good. Feel free to take as many aides as you like,” Kuula notes, his tone gaining a nigh-imperceptible note of venom to it.

Order looks to Raid Minion. “Take care of the place while I’m gone.”

Raid Minion pops the pipe from his jaws. “As if I needed to hear that from a knight. We’ll clean this mess up. You take a few and win that case… hell, for all we know it could be a hundred of us on the line with this one.”

“Anybody want some hot dogs before we get started? I hear practicing law on an empty stomach is bad luck!” Hot Dog Minion asks.

No one answers that.

Watching it all from the side is Dimensionomancy Infrastructure Minion, his arms crossed coolly with a mug of tea in his right hand. He nods, as if he has a plan.

In only a few hours Order finds herself in an environment she recognizes, but due to the context it seems completely alien. They’ve readied within the courthouse of Infus, the capitol city of Overlord Space and the closest thing the damn place has to civil society, which isn’t saying much.

Instead of a sharp, typical suit, Order has opted to wear her old Reinish Official regalia. The black and gold cut her an intimidating figure despite her size, and suggests a personality that’s a far cry from the politically delicate pastel-colored doll that the people of Aerna have come to see her as.

She looks dignified like royalty, serious as a knight, and as professional as any of these slick-suited lawyer types around her. If she were to be honest with herself, she misses the feeling of the get up – it reminds her of a much better time.

Then, a massive kafkade, which is best described as a basement crawler’s body growing over whatever was unfortunate enough to contract the disease, gives a skittering scoff as he steps into her personal space. “Nice to meet you,” the kafkade shears out from his disgusting mess of oiled mandibles crossed through a human set of teeth. “You must be the defense.”

Order addresses him plainly. “That’s me.”

“You must have a death wish. Only an idiot would take on a case like this. You’re up against our firm’s, nay, the Omniverse’s absolute best. You could lose your license.”

She smiles. “Well, that’s not so bad considering I don’t have one.”

The cockroach man pauses, but the legs kicking on his face twitch nervously.

“You… don’t have a license to practice?”

“As if she needed one, you bug-ass freak!” Speed Memorization Minion snaps. Under her arm is a book on overlord law, which is as seemingly oxymoronic in its existence as it is filled with pages upon pages of mindless, needless bureaucracy.

“Yeah, loser. Bugs don’t even wear socks,” Sock Minion, sitting on his fellow Minion’s shoulder, adds with a thug-class flick of the hand.

Order nods. “I hope you’ll forgive them. They don’t see lawyers often.”

The kafkade laughs grimly. “You’ll be the one begging for forgiveness. You’re going to be crushed by Snickercrack .

“Getting crushed is your job insect,” Speed Memorization Minion snips. “We’re going to embarrass you assholes so thoroughly that you’ll wish you spent your life under a couch.”

The roach-man breaks off with a scoff, bumping shoulders firmly with Order and stumbling over immediately after – it turns out that you don’t try and budge around people that literally punch dragons to death for a living.

“See you idiots in the stands,” the roach says with a laugh as he gets back to his feet and starts off somewhere else in the gilded halls of Overlord Space’s single, massive courthouse.

“Meet you there, fucker. We’ll drop some food on the floor for you when we’re done eating your prosecutor,” Speed Memorization Minion says dryly.

“Yeah! And get some socks on your stupid feet while you’re at it!” Sock Minion adds with a tone of victorious chastisement.

They watch him lurch off much like one might expect a bipedal cockroach to, and Order turns to the two minions.

“Right, so I’m pretty sure I said we won’t be causing trouble in here. If we get a chance to move, we will, but until then you’re going to be polite guests, you underst-“

“B-b-b-bite me, parasite,” Speed Memorization Minion says with an intentionally numbed tone. “Last I checked we minions get to do whatever the fuck we want. Am I reading clear, glue-hair? I only agreed to do this stupid show if it meant getting Speed Memorization Minion back.”

Order squints. “I thought… wait-“

“Yeah, Name Minion keeps flipping our titles over; pissed him off one time when I… uh, anyway, I’m Bad Attitude Minion, not Speed Memorization Minion.”

“And so I guess you can’t actually memorize that book qui-“

“And fuck if I can’t, huh?” Bad Attitude Minion snips.

Order smiles with a professional forbearance. “I’m going to need you to if you want to get your name fixed.”

“Tsk, you’ll get what you get.”

Order nods her head aside laxly. “Of course. Now we have a few hours to prepare for the case. Could you both take a moment to look over the books? I need to make a call,” she says, pulling up and showing her chat-stone.

Sock Minion fires a bold pose atop Bad Attitude Minion’s shoulder. “Let’s get to it. Those sockless knaves will understand the true value of having little woven bags of warmth on their feet!”

Bad Attitude Minion sighs as Order smiles pitifully. “Eh, yeah,” she agrees simply.

The banging of a mind-controlled gavel brings the massive circular courtroom to attention, ushering nearly five thousand hideous monstrosities to their feet along with the defending law practice.

“Defense, to the stands,” the judge, an enormous blob of swine flesh and cellulite that once likely had a functioning skeleton, blubbers through an augmented speaker system as its fattened mass slowly, dramatically descends via pulley system amidst the fanfare of the opening show, performed by none other than the Omniverse’s stellarly-famous all-overlord pop group “YO-verlord!”.

Order, her hair in a neat bun and dressed for success, and her minion aides, both of which are naked because clothes are only to be worn ironically in Towerne, step to the end of the pews and to the defense’s table.

This is it.

Whispers whir through the crowd as increasingly more and more overlords, kings, gods, and their underlings realize that it is in fact Order stepping up, not as the key witness, but as the defense.

Overlord Greed, up in one of the paid luxury viewing boxes towards the top of the Law Arena, smiles as he sees the camera crew pan over to her. Basking simultaneously in both a sense of success and a warm bath of cream, he leans back blissfully as his attendants work pay close attention to his feet. The new “unofficial” High Overlord’s got to have good feet to kick people in the head with, after all.

“A little lower,” he says, causing the dragon-kin female to work lower down along his heels.

“You seem happy today, sir,” she observes.

He leans his head back over the rim of the tub. “Every day’s a good day when there’s girls like you around.”

She smiles the way he would, her exceptionally thin lizard lips sliding up to reveal her sharp jaws. “You don’t grin like that when I usually see you, sir.”

He shrugs. “It’s an especially good day.”

“Order, sir? I’m sure this’ll be quite the scandal.”

“And Chaos, and the sphere, and his sword. It’s just a big win today.”

She hums. “You’re not worried he’ll come back?”

He laughs. “I’m always ‘worried‘ but I think I got it handled this time. Of course, you don’t get to where I am unless you prepare for absolutely everything. On that note, Cay’s watching the situation while we’re here. He’s better at this sort of thing than me.”

The lizard girl is quiet for a second, and then the thought passes through her mind. Her brow furrows abruptly. “…Oh.



“Ahh, a slip, w-” his smile gains a wry twinge. “I suppose you assume a bit, don’t you? I’ll admit: she has made it hard to tell.”

“I just…” she gives a good-natured sigh in an attempt to hide her embarrassment. “I suppose so, sir.”

“Well I think he prefers they see him as a ‘she’ anyway… I swear it used to piss Pride the hell off, though; he kept demanding that it was ‘unnatural’… can’t say I care for it either, but it’s not like I give a damn about how she lives her life anyway… we don’t really talk about those sorts of things anymore. “

“Oh? Why not? I would have thought that since all th-…” she clears her throat to push back on the awkward silence. “Two of you, now, sir, sorr-“

“Forget it,” he says, his tone immediately and critically bland. “You were saying?”

She scoffs dismissively. “I uh… I meant to say you two seem close, and it’s been… a really long time, right?”

“A good while, actually – at least a thousand, but I decided not to keep track anymore,” he answers plainly. Despite having his feet massaged by his favorite, he suddenly doesn’t seem quite as jazzed as he did a minute ago.

She sighs. “Right… so I would have guessed that… you know… you’d be… more ‘up’ with-“

“Not really. We don’t talk about things outside of business much anymore. We’ve moved on.”

She smiles pathetically. “Of course, sir. That’s to be expected I suppose.”

“Sure, now shut up. I think they’re about to start,” he says with a sigh.

The girl nods and focuses on his feet while he focuses in on the scene below.

In the Law Arena of Overlord Space, the judge is fully lowered gloriously into his chair, more like a massive wooden ramp, allowing his enormous fleshy head to rest pudgily into the great hardwood raised desk.

Order identifies the judge as a great hog of some sort, so endlessly fattened and beset with its own vices that its own musculature is struggling simply to maintain the structure of its organs under the weight of its myriad folds of fetid cancerous tonnage.

“Prosecution,” it struggles out like pure lard streaming through a speaker, “to the stands.”

Immediately a chorus of adoring female-creatures erupt in crazed sexual elation as a reporter in front of a camera begins describing the scene.

From the doors bursts the quintessential lawyer: trim, glorious, resplendent, stretching thin his seventeen thousand sin custom Sulei’Acasine suit, and most importantly: a hideous, venomous insect. A massive centipede clambers down the hall toward the desk, a large and important-looking briefcase rung around his right antennae.

Bad Attitude Minion scowls at the sight, but Order’s expression is a calm, unreactive blank; as if she were staring at nothing at all.

“Your honor,” he begins, his mandibles clicking handsomely as he sets down his briefcase, “As always, Gerty Snickercrack is ready to provide his case,” he claims the second a hundred shutterflashes overcome the room.

The manic cheering reaches a fever pitch, someone faints, important people are here, but most importantly, this case surrounds someone that everyone here loves to hate.

That is, except for those on the defense stand.

The cameras pan in on Order’s reaction as if it were a reality TV show, but she stays straight as the prosecution-team cheerleaders bust in through the jury doors and begin handing out fat stacks of money and deeds to mansions to the various overlords, gods, rulers and other powerful sorts in the pews.

Order’s eyes flicker a slight gray for only a moment as the immense difficulty of the task pierces through her mind. She knows she could always shut this down and start cutting these subhumans to shreds. She has Monument with her, despite what security thinks, but the whole thing is public. If she has any chance of returning to Aerna as anything less than a villain, she has to explain her case and win without flipping out and slaughtering random overlords.

After the obligatory cheerleading set and fireworks show in honor of the Omniverse’s #1 lawyer taking the case and a customary oil-wrestling bout between a few of the more-attractive cheerleaders, they take a break for commercials.

Gerty is immediately surrounded by admirers from around the pews, including some from the jury, the massive vulcan wolf bailiff, and several dozen members from the audience rows, Order and the minions are left amongst themselves.

“I have a feeling they’re going to play dirty,” Sock Minion mumbles with a mild frown.

Order and Bad Attitude Minion share a short, soft glance at Sock Minion’s pity.

“So we’re fucked, right?” Bad Attitude Minion asks. “Everyone hates him, and they’re literally bribing people on live TV.”

Order looks over the disgusting scene: fattened rulers of their realms, lawless and free to pursue whatever disgusting pleasure is offered among their riches. A blunt pounding sound overtakes the court room as Gerty finds a fan he particularly likes and bends her right over the prosecution stand before securing her soft body with his hideous chitinous legs. The crowd cheers, swoons and gasps as the massive centipede rapidly and mercilessly breeds a mammal a tenth his size, who is moaning senselessly not unlike a wild animal. It’s hard to see just what’s going on under the desk, but it sounds extremely vigorous.

“Now that is a man.”

“‘Gerty’s a guy that just takes what he wants!”

“I have never been so jealous of someone in all my life,” are a few of the words exchanged among the pews that Order can hear.

The Lord Knight Captain sighs.

“I’ll give it to you guys,” Order says amidst the crazed moans of the lawyer’s victim and the slapping of a reinforced exoskeleton against warm flesh. “Chaos really isn’t like the rest of these… creatures.”

Bad Attitude Minion scoffs. “Like dad always said: bad people cling together because they’re all they have. They create a pit that they collectively drag each other down.”

Order raises a thin brow as Gerty begins roaring with an animalistic, furious yawp. “Did he now?” she asks, watching the horrific scene along with a smirking Bad Attitude Minion who’s also covering the eyes of an aghast Sock Minion. “Sounds like him,” she adds.

Bad Attitude Minion nods gently. “People like overlords stick together and fight amongst themselves. They’re so empty and without relation that it’s all they can do to drown themselves endlessly in their meaningless heathenry.”

“Sounds pretty level-headed of you.”

“You don’t even know me, kightess. Best keep your opinions to yourself.”

Order smirks to herself from the words as Gerty lets out a final barbaric roar before resounding with a disgusted, orgasmic frenzy.

“I’m so- fucking- HUNGRY!” he yells the second before he tears the woman in his grasp into five sections by simply holding tight and flexing his back to rip her from the pulling force alone.

There’s a mild gasp among the crowd, and a piercing, shattered scream from an older woman in the crowd, but it’s quickly overwhelmed by crazed cheering from the vast majority.

“What a fucking madman!

“Eternity’s got nothing on entertainment like this!”

“Bitch got what she deserved,” were another round of voices from that Order could make out as Gerty cinches his mandibles down into the head of the girl, killed so quickly and completely that she couldn’t even produce a scream.

“One minute on commercials!” the show director shouts, leading to cheers from all directions from the ecstatic audience.

“Yup,” Order mutters, watching as the centipede feasts on the human’s corpse over his stand desk. “This place has completely gone off the deep end since I’ve been here last, and it was already terrible.”

Bad Attitude Minion shrugs. “I guess public murder-sex is a the latest, coolest thing when you keep lowering the bar.”

Order looks at the blood of the young girl with a displeased, and yet unaffected emotion – she’s seen much worse than this. “I thought, when I was younger, that everything in life was a cycle, a balance from war to peace, and good to evil… but people can really get a hold of their own ways… get comfortable in the patterns they’ve made for themselves, and when you’re competing to see who can be the most ‘free’ I can see how it would only get worse… it’s like me.”

Bad Attitude Minion scoffs again. “You’re bad, knightess, but you don’t bang someone then eat ’em.”

Order’s brows raise and she struggles to suppress a smile. This response obviously makes Bad Attitude Minion a little uncomfortable.

Right?” the minion asks, a rare glint of concern crossing her features.

Order just nods, but the look on her face doesn’t make the minion feel any better.

“I’ve never done something so direct, but I’ve definitely caused more evil at the end of it. If i saw myself back then… I would have killed me. I wasn’t willing, and I’m not willing now to understand any of a person if I catch them in the act. The situation leading up to it doesn’t matter as much as the action, they might say.” She gives a mild sigh as the count-down is called by the show director. “Whatever happens, I’ll put an end to this. Their rotten haven’s due for a rude awakening.”

She watches as the massive centipede finishes off most of the girl’s skull and shoves the remainder of her corpse under his desk to finish for the next commercial break. He fires a single, weary glance her way. It seems her reputation precedes her even in an aggrandized shithole like this.

The cameras are back on, and the announcers return to their cameras for their exclusive coverage. One of the camera crews set up right next to the de fence, leaving one camera on Order to record every facial flinch she might provide their viewers.

“Today is marked by a truly auspicious event,” the massive swine-judge, a certain Justice Grunk Vorbalsplatz, begins with a guttural, slow squeal as a retinue of court-handlers rush up to him with oil covered brooms to give the judge hog that special “shine” befitting a public servant. “Finally, justice for all life in every realm will be served – that nasty, selfish bastard, murderer, coward, and lord of evil, will be judged!” it speaks out, its body heaving painfully in emotion.

There’s a cheer from everyone but the defense stand, egging the pig to continue on.

“As you all know, I am an impartial judge, but this is a defendant that I simply cannot stand for. He is practically indefensible! In fact, he’s so cowardly that he’s not even here for his own trial!

Resounding boos emit from the crowd drunk on the spectacle of it all.

“Unless he shows, his minions will have to pay the price!”

The floor in the center of the room parts to reveal a massive pit of super lava- which is basically normal lava but really, really hot.

An entire camera crew and several of Gerty’s straggling fans die immediately from the proximity of the heat. Their clothes burn and their bodies curl into blackened messes of charred flesh as the crowd cheers again.

A hyper-enchanted cage is lowered from the black of the tall vaulted ceiling, its occupants being thirty-some of Chaos’ Minionry, many of which are booing facetiously at the utter stupidity of the display below them.

“You guys are dead, you hear me?! Dead!” Barbarian Minion chortles out confidently as he shakes the dangling cage.

“This is the worst,” Gardening Minion sighs. “I need to plant my cold seasonals!”

“Are you kidding? This is amazing!” Entomology Minion says, arched over the cage in euphoria as he inspects the remains of blood dripping off the enormous centipede lawyer.

Despite how they feel, they’re all in the same predicament, held precariously by a massive chain over the pit of super lava.

“Now,” the big pig speaks, “We’ll get right to it.” His massive black pupils glide over to Gerty, who is standing with a stylish flair on twenty of his forty leg pairs. “Would the persecution like to deliver his opening statement?”

Gerty nods with a such a calming, human presence, it’s almost as though he stole the Homo Sapien mannerisms of the girl he just ate. “Your honor. Only days ago I was relaxing in my yacht along the Lane Beach Cove when I got the call about this case,” he says to massive cheering and applause, to which he waits patiently to die down before he continues. “Naturally, as I am known Omniverse-wide as the best lawyer in history, I felt it only appropriate to try myself at what could only be the most important legal case in the history of existence itself,” he enunciates with a few calm, prose-heavy clicks. Of course, heavy applause and cheering follows his every statement, as if he easily and truly is the answer the overlords have been looking for.

He steals a quick, beady glance at Order.

“Now, of course as my opponent would claim as well, this case is of the utmost importance, so important, in fact, that she has decided to place her very reputation on the line to defend this… individual.

Without an ounce of propriety Order and the two minions are railed on by a flood of thrown food, broken glass, and even a few weapons. They ignore the assaults and insults, as getting hit by mundane items like these are of little consequence to enchanted bodies like theirs. Even Order, who is as soft and clean as any human, holds an endurance that humbles even the most poised non-magical attack put her way.

Gerty clears his insectoid throat, ushering up a small bone from the woman he partially devoured. “Excuse me,” he notes before continuing on. “Tell me, Ranalie, right? Just what is it that you see in that creature?

“I’m not here to answer questions about myself,” Order says.

“Overruled,” the hog-judge squeals out, winning another round of jeers flying her way.

Bad Attitude Minion spits from the stand. “You loser-cheaters! That’s not even in your own damn book!

The pig’s snout accordions back with humor. “A peck of your caliber could never understand the working of us true, proper overlords.”

Sock Minion scoffs. “Proper? I don’t even know how we’re going to fit a sock around your behind. How could you call that proper?”

The gavel slams down on the table by the power of the pig’s will alone.

“You will not speak unless spoken to, riftling,” it sounds out through its speakers.

Sock Minion leaps from Order’s shoulder and stands firmly on his own two feet upon the defense’s stand. “Then speak to me! Enough of your dramatic garbage. Send us the accusations so we may dismantle your inane court!”

“How loathesome,” the hog says with a sigh.

Sock Minion steps forward, drawing surprised looks from both Order and his fellow minions. “The thing most ‘loathesome‘ here is your ineptitude to locate justice, but I won’t! Let the kangaroo trial begin!”

As the cameras zoom in on the tiny minion, a mild gasp rattles through the crowds. “Did that pipsqueak just really…?”

The hog heaves with emotion, but Gerty raises a single, sharp digit in response. “Very well.” He looks up to the judge. “If his honor has no objections, I feel it appropriate to begin with the actual opening statements.”

The big pig, pacified from the gentle prod of the ego by his most beloved lawyer, struggles to give even a slight nod.

“So be it,” he grunts. “Go ahead, Mister Snickercrack,” the swine encourages.

The centipede bows politely.

“Of course. This gentleman, this creature, this… being of infamy, as some call him, is known far and wide. From the highest echelons of military planning throughout The Verses, to the lowest, most humble abode in the most unknown wood, the name Chaos strikes a chord of emotion in the hearts of all. Dragon, demon, man, and all creatures react with horror, revulsion… or in some exceptionally few cases,” he says this before glancing to the defense’s table, “an obsessive adoration.”

Order and the minions are beset with a chorus of boos as the pig-judge honks with humor.

Gerty nods again to note his continuance, “We all recognize however, that Chaos is a being of immense power. As the wise ones have said: with great power, comes great responsibility! How are we, as a diverse, multi-dimensional community, supposed to answer such a question? Surely, we must do so with great care and consideration, especially under the pretense that Chaos is not only powerful, but he is also incredibly, unquestionably cruel.

“That’s bullshit!” Bad Attitude Minion snaps amidst another round of boos.

Snickercrack shrugs his stubby, sharp legs. “And, just like him, his followers display no pretense of decency! Now… you all know me, whether it’s from my previous cases, my television series, or my thriller novels – I’d say it’s not a stretch to consider me a thoughtful individual that looks at all aspects of a case objectively before I take it on, yes?”

He’s met with resounding cheers and agreement.

Then,” he continues, “I think it would be telling that even I feel this case is open and shut. The charges against the so-called ‘High Overlord‘ if one could even humor such a lofty title upon him, are so great, and so critically violent, that I cannot see why we’d even consider a lenient punishment.” He glances to the defense, his gaze dulling already with a professionally-acted out lack of respect for them. “But of course, I am Gerty Snickercrack. I will not leave any stone unturned. As I’m more than certain my opponents here on the stands will attempt to reframe the question, I’ll lay it out cleanly right away.”

He pauses for dramatic effect as the stadium goes silent.

Eighteen million two thousand seven hundred forty four counts of disobeying authority, seven hundred thousand nine hundred sixty six counts of unlawful conduct, fifty six thousand two hundred twenty one counts of stealing private property-“

Without a flinching, Order and the two minions actually listen to him prattle of the entire, two minute-long list.

The legacy of The High Overlord is one that cannot be ignored, she’ll give him that.

She scoffs, noting the humor that she’ll be in just as bad standing as him once the word gets out, and she won’t be seen to be nearly as “cool”.

Mentally resting for the remaining seconds of meaningless rhetoric from Gerty before it’s her turn, she takes respite in the realization that a life without people won’t be so bad if people like Rayda come out of isolation like that. She takes a breath, ready to begin the next leg of her life – her journey.

“-and last but not least,” Gerty notes with another well-measured pause, “he believes that he has the right to govern the fates of others. He dares take to the realm of godhood, and over the gods themselves.” He turns to the judge. “That is my statement.”

There’s uproarious applause. He’s showered in money, praise, and girl’s underwear from the thousands sitting in the pews overlooking him. Most of the newscasters spin it loudly and proudly as one of the greatest speeches ever – one that will no doubt be remembered throughout all of history.

Someone wearing a Snickercrack T-shirt kills himself in the audience, loudly proclaiming the moment prior that no minute will surpass this one, and that this is how he wants to remember his life.

The standing mob cheers for the heroic man as he, a bullet now through his head, falls limply and comically aside into the pew steps where he tumbles pathetically down onto the railing.

Gertie nods at the show of loyalty, and turns slowly, smugly over to Order and the two minions.

Everyone quiets down, now interested to hear what the defense has to say, especially after Sock Minion’s unexpected eloquence.

All eyes and cameras on her, Order takes in a breath to speak.

“Shuuuuuut-tut-tut the fuck up, biiiitch!” Bad Attitude Minion snips with an intentionally-slurred speech.

The crowd stifles a mild gasp as the minion grasps the stand with complete authority.

“Your stupid-loser rhetoric didn’t even state why setting you idiots straight is wrong in the first place. He does have the right to do all that shit, because he is the only dude in the Omniverse that is responsible enough to handle it!”

There’s an awkward pause that takes over the room as Order realizes she’s probably going to be the one to speak the least out of the three of them. She was never much of one for public speaking, even after all these thousands of years, and it while it doesn’t make her look any better, being dominated by lack of initiative by two of her nemesis’ minions, it does feel better. After all, she wants him to not kill everyone, but the two of them legitimately love him.

“What we are going to stand on is the fact that the title of ‘High Overlord’ is valid – valid as fuck, and that all of this negative bitch face is just you babies projecting your obsession over him. Allow me to ask the audience. Why are you so in love with him? Do you secretly want him to dominate your or something? Knowing you fucked up losers that’s probably it. To be honest I wouldn’t at all be surprised if every single one of you would give anything to have him spring into your bedrooms at night and-“

What my associate wants to say is that according to your own book of law, you do not officially recognize any crimes.”

Order flinches and Bad Attitude Minion jolts with insult at being interrupted. They look aside in awe to see none-other than Sock Minion, the law book cracked open and its pages peppered with organizational tabs for easy reference.

There’s a silence among he godless formation of law and bureaucracy, winning Sock Minion the opportunity to speak further on the merit of their shock alone. He clears his little throat as a chihuahua preparing for a yapping of high culture might.

“Entities of the court, it is notable that there are no relevant charges by which you can pursue my client. I request an immediate closure of session with interest for an out-of-court resolution.”

And they really didn’t like that one.

The three are pelted with rolling cascades of utter garbage from overlords, minions, tourists, and everything in-between from all walks of life.

Order casts up a one-word shield spell to protect the table from the oncoming storm, but is only fast enough to block out all but the first second of projectiles.

“Your honor,” Mister Snickercrack begins. “These ruffians haven’t the slightest reckoning of Overlord Law, in fact I’d bet only one of them’s been out to appreciate our lively culture in all their years.” He glances down to Order, who’s flicking a used condom out of her hair. “I suppose you of all the defense should know better than to take up laws with us!”

He wins a round of laughter and agreement from the enthused crowd.

Order responds with clear, golden eyes.

“I think you’ll find that we’ve upgraded a bit since you’ve been with us last, Masteress. In fact, we’ve taken the one rule that counts, and pushed all our lawyers and people of the court to take it on as their one guiding star… might!

They all cheer again, and Order stifles a smile skillfully. Even so, her eyes glint a little bit with that rare reddish-pink color they get when she’s genuinely looking forward to something.

“So, you’ve had us all here for combat?” Order asks plainly.

Snickercrack’s jaws clack with an anticipatory satisfaction. “I never thought I’d be the one to get you. To just feel your flesh wriggling in my grip… I can hardly wait!” he adds, his beady eyes widening with predatory sharpness.

“What the hell is this loon talking about?” Bad Attitude Minion whispers over to Order just as the massive centipede turns to the enormous swine-judge.

“I motion to skip all of this teasing and get right to the fighting-

The cheering restarts with crazed enthusiasm, it’s like a pure organ of excitement.

“-the slaughter-“

They get louder as he continues.

“-the punishments-

And yet louder.

“And the FEASTING!” he shouts at the top of his semi-tracheal lungs.

They’re so mercilessly loud this time that Order can hardly even hear herself think. It’s okay, she doesn’t need to consider it anymore, though – he’s written the outcome in blood, and she’s already planned it out.

“He’s so brave!” shouts a diminutive crocodile man, his wide jaws overflowing with half-chewed popcorn.

“What a fucking monster!” an eye-patched orc shouts before breaking out and randomly cutting into his nearby fellow audience members with his blade, summarily leading the overseeing security overlords to drop in and tear him to bits, showering the surrounding twenty meters with blackened, rotten blood.

“WE ARE WITNESSING HISTORY!” a demon shouts as he lifts his unclothed pelvis into the air and does something so unspeakably questionable that all the cameramen simply have to zoom in on it for all the kids at home to see.

It’s a monstrous, unholy display of festering, delirious evil, and still Order is unemotive.

The hog-judge packs his snout back in consideration, the mere act of its compression forcing a small waterfall of fetid oil to drizzle down its cellulite-ridden chin.

“We could do such a thing, but you understand you would be at quite the disadvantage. After all, despite your bravery, the defendant is a knight of some renown,” he says, playing the lovable voice of reason for this perfect drama they’ve manifested out of thin air. “Let me think on this…”

“They’re doing this shit for the ratings, aren’t they?” Bad Attitude Minion mumbles.

Order just nods as Sock Minion, his eyes scanning over the pages of an overlord law book, flinches upon finding a line in the section he had just turned to.

“Uh… says here that issues are actually decided by vote in this case.”

“Yeah?” Bad Attitude Minion asks amidst the cheering.

“And if the failed vote pushes, they can enforce their judgement… by combat.”

“Oookay, we knew that already, what’s-“

“Against everyone who cast a vote on the opposition,” Sock Minion adds critically.

Bad Attitude Minion pauses a second before looking out.

It’s a massive stadium, many of the rows filled with people that could take down an entire army of common humans. They’re being stared down by thousands of overlords.

The minion’s expression sours with a rare look of concern. “We… have our work cut out for u-“

“I…” the judge honks over her voice. “I will accept a push to the vote.” At that, there’s a pause, with many in the pews and stands preparing their combat equipment, everything from enchanted broadswords to pulse rifles. “As a true display of strength, we will seal any spell casting.”

Immediately, the outer ring of the stadium glows a delirious arcane blue.

Order immediately feels it: she cannot express her mana. The whole courtroom is one massive dispelling circle. All of her protective and enhancing enchantments have been sheared from her, as it has with everyone else’s. She could cast a spell perfectly, and the mana would still stay inert in her body – in fact, most people would assume her to be a typical thirty year old woman, sans the white hair.

What she’s most worried about, however, is the dispelling of her eye-color spell. In only a second, her eyes return to their natural, striking, crimson red. She doesn’t want to give it away early, but it’s not going to change how she responds to this.

“We’re… we’re probably fucked,” Bad Attitude Minion says before glancing over to Order. “You can’t even like… lift anything without magic, right?”

Order is silent, her expression unmoving. The one Bad Attitude Minion should be looking at is Sock Minion, who’s face flashes with the insight of realization – he’s just connected the dots.

“We’re going to be okay,” he mutters softly, just follow the plan.

Bad Attitude Minion sighs. “If you say so. This shit’s uncomfortabl-.”

Now then,” the judge-hog delivers in a leading, acidic tone, “All those in favor of the punishment of Chaos’ Minions, say your truth.”

AYE!” the entire stadium responds back.

Each set of eyes are crossed down to the defendant’s stand, where there are only three.

Order looks around in the anticipatory, predatory silence of the soon-to-be arena. Finally, she takes a single look at one of the cameras with a bland expression before turning back. “Nay.

The hog laughs for a moment, along with everyone else. “Well then, I’m afraid you’re quite outmatched!” he exudes like lard in the hot sun. “Now that the initial verdict is clear, will you accept it?

This is the one that everyone was waiting for.

Order looks over to Snickercrack, whose jaws are locked open with multiple kinds of frustration, and then up to the swine-judge, who is using every fiber of its being to barely pull off a sneer.

“Never,” she says.

The cheering hits its apex for the day as the crowd melts into an utter euphoria of violent anticipation.

“Then, as is custom, the defense and prosecution will battle first, and then all voters of a side against the victor,” the judge claims. “I hereby declare that this duel for justice, begins!”

Snickercrack wastes no time. He practically gallops up on his stand and leaps across onto Order, curling over her with a horrendous, whip-like snap.

She’s instantly arrested into his the rock-solid grip, his multitude of legs scratching into her excitedly as he laughs. With a single slam, he slaps her onto the floor in the very center of the decrepit court, his purple-dripping mandibles poised over her.

“Well, you really are a bit of an idiot, aren’t you?” he says, his voice barely discernible from the cheering.

Order glances over to her stand to make sure the two minions are okay before looking back up to the legal menace. “Am I?”

“Agreeing to duel me inside of a sealing circle; Let alone without any enchanted equipment? I hope you understand that I’m not going to make this quick. I hate humans,” he whispers with a hiss. “I’m going to make an example out of you. They’ll always know you’re kind’s just a stupid pile of tender, weak flesh.”

She can feel his pelvis, along with all that it’s equipped with, pressing sharply into her left thigh. She’s sure this will make great television, especially because she wants to make an example of him as well.

“You’ve struck a hot match, Snickercrack,” Order says, her eyes red like a rare, omen-filled sunset.

He laughs. “Who’s going to come save you?! Chaos?” he asks, digging open her suit jacket and white undershirt to reveal her pale stomach. “I’m going to do things th-… eh?” he stops himself, seeing a line of tape, about half a meter in length, adhered down her torso There’s a strange writing on it that Snickercrack, in all his years as an attorney, has never seen. “Now what kind of childish witchery is this?”

“Insurance, but it doesn’t look like I’ll be needing it,” she says, staring up at him with an expression unhindered by emotion. She doesn’t afford herself the joy of emotion: after all, she’s on TV, and she is The Lord Knight Captain.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean? What could you possibly have that could save you when you don’t have magi-“

Order shoves her hand past the mandibles and into his jaws, silencing him with her petite hand.

Naturally, he attempts to bite down, but for some reason he can’t – it’s like her body’s made out of solid rock, even without enchantments. There shouldn’t be a single drop of magic within her body, yet here she is, holding this massive predator under her control.

“Wh-wh-” he muffles out amidst the cheering of the crowd, who by this point would be thrilled to see just about anything happen so long as it encompasses their broad range of violence, sex, or general heathenry.

She pulls him down by the jaw, right over to her face.

A slow, slight smirk crosses her face, her lips parting just enough to show him the left side of her teeth. He sees her canine, and instantly he realizes his fatal blunder.

Snickercrack doesn’t even push a scream out before she snaps her other hand across the body segment holding his head, and twists.
The cheering goes on and on until, suddenly, everyone realizes that Order, without a single ounce of common magic in her, has just critically, instantly broken the lawyer’s neck.The skull of the accursed insect tumbles aside, and the Knightess, covered deliciously in the neon tangerine blood of the insect, throws his corpse aside to the warm brick of the court. She hops up easily as if nothing had happened.
Everyone in the court is silent, positively stunned by what they’ve just witnessed.

“So, all of you said ‘aye’?” Order asks with an icy tone. “If you didn’t… you need to leave.”

As if pulled out of a spell, the stadium members are suddenly quite hesitant to give a direct answer. Some people begin silently leaving the court room, quickly followed by others.

“She doesn’t have her sword!” a shrill voice shouts out.

“Don’t be fucking cowards!” a coward screams.

“Someone… start it!”

“We’ll back you up!”

“She’s dead!” are a few more voices chiming in as more and more people begin leaving.

All the while, Order scans her gaze about for the first enemy of the horde. While a couple hundred have left, that still leaves the thousands remaining. She’s keeping her right hand near her stomach, where the length of scripted tape is. The thing about these kinds of spell circles is that they can eliminate enchantments attached to souls easily, but removing an enchantment from an inanimate object is another matter entirely. She’s becoming confident however that she won’t need it, after all, they didn’t take the minions away.

Finally, someone takes a pot shot at her from the back of the stadium. She flicks the bullet aside, not even bruising her. Order gives a quick glance to Bad Attitude Minion, who sighs and nods before racing up.

“You owe me,” the minion says with a rigid scowl.

Order just readies her right hand for a critical movement.

“The hell’s that minion doing?” shouts an audience member.

“It wants to die, too!” yells another.

“Fire!” a final one commands, this one with the gusto to back up their words and lead the charge. This time it’s enchanted crossbow: outside of, and thus unaffected by the disenchantment circle. The bolt flicks at her, and she’s forced to dodge. Immediately catching up Bad Attitude Minion, Order readies the minion at her hip as if she were a sheath to a sword.

There’s an uproar of charmed laughter from the surrounding pews as more and more opponents gain confidence that she really doesn’t have a weapon. Of course, she’s still immensely strong for some reason, but they’re all sure it cannot be due to enchantments, and it certainly won’t be enough to see her out of this court alive.

Then, to everyone’s disbelief, Order shoves her hand into the wide jaws of Bad Attitude Minion, and pulls out Monument’s dimensional sheath.

Once again, the court is silent, but this time it’s a locked in absolute horror.

Yes, she was screened for her weapons as she entered the building.

No, the security guards did not even ponder that the immensely “noisy” mana signature of a minion’s ether might be used to sneak in another, calmer signature: nor could their noggins have just enough space inside to accomodate the dimensional sheath for a certain item of interest.

“By your own laws,” Order says, releasing a smug Bad Attitude Minion before drawing out the massive Starlendic blade.

 She makes her first cut, and the court immediately descends into mania. Overlords leap, shove, and even cut through one another to force in through the small entry way for the jury seats. Only a few make it before Order’s first strike projects its prohibitively destructive, cleansing solar power across the arc of her attack. Hundreds of would-be murderers are incinerated in a single moment, and then hundreds more the next, and the next.

Again and again she cuts. Everyone’s so focused on escape that they cannot spare even a shot for her.

She wraps her head about for a semi-second to look for Greed in the VIP boxes: he’s already gone, but she’ll get him soon enough – she’d never let a lizard fuck with her, let alone a dragon-kin, and get away with it.

With her two legal aide minions working to open the cage of cheering minions, Order finally turns to the master justice of the land: the enormous swine. He’s the last one, and there’s no one left to help him with the pulley system.

“You’ve shed enough blood in your position of false authority,” Order says, her crimson eyes peering with an enthused disgust, as if it were both a duty and a secret pleasure for her.

Grunk looks her over with yellowed, bloodshot eyes.

We are the future, knightess. Your order will die, and the free way will live on in its place. I cannot dream of a better way to see off a decrepit age than wi-“

And then the overwhelming scent of bacon pours through the room as Order crosses her blade through the great hog.

“You bow before your throne of justice, ignoring that your own book is composed of lies,” she says coldly before turning from the obliterated giga pig to the minions.

The cage bursts open, and the minions leap out in a drove.

“It’s gardening time!” Gardening Minion shouts triumphantly.

“I think it’s just escape time,” Speed Memorization Minion notes laxly, looking over to see Bad Attitude Minion. “Oh, hey there.”

Bad Attitude Minion squints an eye. “Hey girl. How’s it crackin’?”

“Thanks for the rescue, but why are you here?”

“What? I’m part of the legal team!”

A slow realization passes over Speed Memorization Minion. “…Oh.”

“Yeah. Happened again, and just figured I’d play along.”

They both chuckle.

Order gestures for them all to follow, and in only a second she’s accompanied by nearly three dozen of her nemesis’ minions.

They hop, skip, and jump playfully over random strewn corpses caused from the manic violence on their way out. Anyone they spot that’s still alive runs away outright, having somehow assumed just running back a few rooms would be safe.

She leads the party of minions down the steps of the courthouse and out into the streets of Infus the very second the first O.E.L. ship speed-coalesces its way into the space over the city.

Order sighs as the minions boo, hiss, and whine.

“Well, here we go agai-

Is all Sock Minion can say before another, much faster rift opens in the sky.

Who else but High Overlord Chaos flies out, laughing in mania to foil the attempt.

“Out with you, fools. Shear and burn!” Chaos shouts as he rapidly, skillfully poises his fist for the attack.

“It’s pop!” says one minion.

“Master gardener!” goes another.

“He’s got this, easy!” cheers one more.

Order and the minions watch as Chaos, tearing portals with incredible ease, cuts through one ship after another. Ten seconds and seven ships later, the coalescence suddenly cancel from the invader’s dimension. No need wasting perfectly good interstellar vessels, after all.

Finally, Chaos opens a portal above the group and drops to the ground with a silent tap. The management of his weight is so skillful that even his multi-ton body makes hardly a sound as he moves through the realms.

“Well… I suppose this is a fine hello. Are you taking the children out for ice cream?” Chaos asks cordially as he gives Order a hug.

“What the hell?!”

“Pop, that’s Order!

“She’s not hot enough to be my mom!” three of the minions shout out with varying levels of concern.

Order sighs. Chaos is having another one of this moments, she’s sure.

“I sorted it out, despite what it’s cost me. Your minions are safe – here, at least.”

Chaos nods with a loving grin as he begins rocking Order back and forth. “Oh, I knew you could do it!” he exclaims proudly.

“You don’t even know what’s going on,” Order states unexcitedly.

“H- don’t you talk that way about my pop!”

“Shut up bitch! You didn’t really save us!”

“Yeah! We had all that shit covered!” three more of the minions shout amongst a general, intense jeering among the lot of them.

Chaos releases Order with a fatherly smile. “Now, all of you, be nice to your mother. It isn’t every day she has the time to take off from work and get you all a treat.” He leans in obviously before whispering to her from the side. “You did get them ice cream, yes?” he asks quietly and expectantly.

Order gives Chaos a special kind of look she only reserves for the stupidest people she knows. Instead, she works on reinstating the enchantments on her body over her original, already outstanding strength. “Greed got away.”

The Baking Master of Doom flinches back in recognition of the name, and then looks behind him.

Oh, yes, he did just down eight O.E.L. dropships into the surrounding city blocks.

“I… of course,” Chaos coughs. “I suppose trips to the zoo with ice cream don’t have those Librarium fools showing up… right?

Order sighs. “No, now reel back. I know you have a plan, you always do. You just need to remember what it was.”

Chaos’ expression sharpens with thought as the minions stare on with insult for their master’s sake.

“It was… a space… ship?”

“Like what, an Eternum vessel?”

“It was called… Giga… Gig-“

Giga-Bloc, okay,” Order confirms, a disconcerted air passing over her as she realizes that Chaos is the first to ever break out from such an infamous prison. “So now are we going to get the rest of the minions back, or are we going to go straight for Greed?”

Chaos grins with perfect confidence. “My dearest pet, worry not about such foolish possibilities. I have already set the works of the future in stone and have decided on my course of action. You see, by employing the help of a new minion of mine, I’ve been able to not only learn the location of  Greed’s secret lair, but infiltrate it!”

Order’s brow raises. She doubts it, but it’s not like he doesn’t pull off insane plans on a regular basis. “You’ve… you’ve already been there?

Chaos just stares at the knightess as if he’s viewing a breeze upon a meadow, pleasant- vacant. “Why… why of course I… wait, no, no that was for them to do. I was busy coming here!

Order’s expression shifts into a put back concern, at once surprised how someone could be so half-minded, yet so interminably powerful and feared. “So, you sent your new minion to go find the secret lair.”

Chaos’ smile is untouched. “Why, of course!”

“… And where did you place this minion to get such information?”

Chaos’ smile grows to a grin. “Well, in Towerne, of course! What better company than with my other minions, after all!”

Her lips pursing in pathetic sympathy, Order nods. “Okay, that’s not going to work. Let’s get back to Towerne and figure this out for you.”

“You don’t tell pop what to do!”

“Yeah, lady! You didn’t even let us eat the ham!”

“Y-yeah! We’re starving and she’s been keeping ham from us!” shout an array of minions, speaking both to Order and Chaos.

Chaos, ever the obliging sort, tears a portal back to Towerne, but spares a sparse glance to Order. “Did you really starve our beloved-“

“No, and they’re your minions, just yours,” Order snips before hopping through first.

The High Overlord shrugs as the gang of minions rush into the gate, leaving him as the last one to swing in.

“A bit touchy I see, little parasite,” Chaos says in a bemused, lowered tone. His smile is untouched.

End of Part Six

Link to Part Seven

2 thoughts on “Dirty, Rotten Thievery! -Part 6–

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